How exactly to Have Lesbian Gender The Very First Time | Autostraddle

Home / How exactly to Have Lesbian Gender The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How will you have lesbian intercourse? We get expected this question all the time from lesbians of various age groups who’ven’t had lesbian intercourse and are usually stressed they do not understand “how.” Really, pay attention: enjoying sex actually about memorizing 16 roles or understanding the best perspective to bang from, enjoying lesbian intercourse is half-animal half-heart and simply hardly ever features it got anything to perform with your logical mind, or intellectual thought, or any such thing someone could reveal or what you could keep reading the internet.

Even though its true that someday you’ll be well informed and experienced than you’re now, it’s also true that your system came to be focusing on how getting sex like it was born knowing how to eat. The first time doesn’t always have to get a big deal, many of us you shouldn’t also remember all of our first times. Alternatively, if you prefer that it is an issue, it could be. But in the end every spouse differs from the others — entirely, completely, totally different — from after that.
Just what could we let you know, truly

Nonetheless — on the other hand, a lot of us recall a period of time whenever lesbian intercourse decided fumbling, or improv, attempting to perform an activity we failed to understand, like badminton. Or a hobby every person believed you should be proficient at but we weren’t. At the same time, others recall moving into sleep and instinctually knowing what to accomplish from the moment of entry. Most of us had sex with young men in our teens and didn’t bang a female ’til our very own mid-to-late-twenties, and decided rookies yet again. So we can recognize how you will feel only a little better knowing a little something before you take the plunge.

Ladies’ sexuality, let-alone queer sexuality, is usually ignored by sex ed products. And while many heteros read about sex with each other inside their early teens, a lot of lesbians don’t begin that early and/or aren’t fellow socialized into the intimate universe like straights tend to be, and undoubtedly that our whole media society is organized about and obsessed with heterosexual gender.

So we’re gonna get back to requirements. However, once we write this blog post, our company is a little concerned that people do not have screwing idea what we’re making reference to. Develop to start a dialogue for

commenters to share with you their own stories and experiences and for everybody else to inquire about questions!


This post (originally printed in 2010 and largely unaltered from that point) centers on lesbian gender between cisgender women, although is also largely applicable to sex between any a couple with vulvas, and chock-full of fantastic advice about anybody having sex with anyone who has a vulva. The language on this page, unlike the majority of our very own gender content material, reflects that mostly for SEO reasons. But trans ladies are women & most truly have lesbian intercourse, and you will read the the many advice on that throughout these articles:
How-to Have Lesbian Sex With A Trans Woman
F*cking Trans ladies
Harnesses for Trans Females

Pre-Game Your Own Lesbian Gender


When you have a vulva while want to can create a person with a vulva feel good, there is the advantage of making use of yourself for an examination topic — not that what pleases you certainly will please your lover, but it’s a-start. Most likely both you and your showerhead happen familiar with this since childhood, however if you are new to genital stimulation or a new comer to orgasming, discover
how-to masturbate like a champ.
While you are at it,
here’s tips buy a vibrator

Getting a seasoned masturbator shall help you end up being a fruitful partner above all else you can actually do, ever. You won’t just know-how your spouse can please you, but you will involve some idea of how exactly to kindly them.


Touching yourself together with your trousers and undies on (you can unzip your jeans, but try not to extract all of them down) might be very good practice for the time to

Twilight Total Eclipse With The Sun



When you are aroused, you could feel comfortable or flushed. The erect nipples will have erect, the clit and vulva will swell because of increased blood supply. In your human anatomy, the top the snatch will broaden.


Consider your own insides. The surface of every person’s vulva is a whole new region, nevertheless insides tend to be sensibly comparable to one another, therefore it is a solid sneak peek when you have one.


If you’ve got one, take a look at the vadge inside the mirror. I know you will read through this and consider “OH MY GOD I MIGHT NEVER” rather than do so. Get over your self. Put
a fucking mirror
betwixt your legs and look for your own shit!

Understand Your Vaginal Situation, For Those Who Have One

Very first circumstances first: people usually use the phase “vagina” whenever referring to the feminine vaginal region, which in fact isn’t really appropriate. Suitable phase for your additional genital region is actually “vulva.” The snatch is within you, hooking up the vulva into cervix. Discover
a good article from Teen Vogue that gets to everything about physiology

Now you’re sitting right here with your mirror, let’s discuss the physiology of a cisgender female’s vulva.


Your clit is made up of the glans/head (the essential sensitive spend the 6,000-8,000 nerve endings), the bonnet (which drapes within the glans) and the shaft (which can be typically 1.9 cm in length). Some clits are larger than others, and nearly all women can orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

Labia Majora:

Them be your “pussy mouth.” After That,
the labia minora
include asymmetrical fragile folds of softy spongy erecticle muscle around the labia majora. Some labia minoras stretch after dark majoras and some tend to be saved inside the house. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras may be the beginning the place you’ll realize that
every woman’s snatch appears different than another’s


: your own vaginal entrance is below your clitoris and urethral orifice (aka where in actuality the urine happens). Genital tissue is flexible, you may possibly have heard that babies come out of it and fists may go involved with it. All the nerve endings are in the outside next from the vagina (to phrase it differently: don’t get worried about having tiny hands, it is nbd).

so many different vulvas included within this snatch artwork by jamie mccatney


Put a hand inside vagina. Today generate a “come-hither” motion towards forward wall of your own snatch. Do you think that area with a texture unlike anything else’s texture? It’s a sponge concerning size of a bean that fills with blood during arousal, straight facing your uterus. Some ladies find g-spot pleasure also extreme, some dislike it, some enjoy it, some can orgasm from this, several can female ejaculate from this.



The flat area involving the pudendal cleft while the anal area. Some females select this region intimately sensitive and painful. Slangily also known as “the taint” ‘cause it isn’t the genitals therefore isn’t the asshole.

Brushing for Lesbian Sex


You certainly can do practically whatever you want together with your hair, although eliminating it completely
allows you to vulnerable to problems
and it can be extremely itchy! Discover
some statistics on the locks elimination routines

Tips if you find yourself going to remove some hair:

  • If you possess the cash and also the time, laser treatment is the greatest way of getting eliminate your hair for the reason that area the long-lasting. It’s generally asserted that laser hair removal works better on less heavy epidermis colors, but
    thank goodness that’s changing
  • For most of us, waxing will be the best/cheapest strategy to “clean” without ingrowns. Based on the skin tone and susceptibility, waxing risk turning your skin layer a lovely color of crimson for everyday, very schedule properly. We recommend getting hired carried out by an expert, however, if you wanna Do-it-yourself, Sally Hansen’s are
    inexpensive and easy for novices
    and so is it package from
  • If you should be shaving, you could get angry significant shaver burn which often appears to be most red bumps overall your neighborhood.
    Bikini area will help you with this specific
  • If you shave a couple of days before starting up, whoever decreases on you will feel these are typically keeping their face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Make sure your nails are as short as possible and smoothly registered. If you do have very long fingernails or acrylics,
here is tips have sex securely without sacrificing them
. Keeping your fingers mega-extra-super-duper-clean is key. Play it extra-safe by utilizing some handy
exudate or nitrile gloves


All of you, your snatch smells great just the method truly! Cannot douche or elsewhere make an effort to infuse your own pussy with fields of marigolds. It’ll have a stronger smell when you haven’t showered or have actually gotten actually sweaty, and that’s good. (Sidenote: the lingering odor of this lady on your disposal = secret). However, if your vagina smells therefore pungently fishy that spouse can smell it within shorts from throughout the space,
you could have BV
and should
get see a gynecologist

Doing The Lesbian Sex

To be honest, we kinda do not want that check out this. We desire you to need to figure it out on your own, like we performed! All of you, it’s very fun therefore reach be naked or half-naked with another woman! Appropriate?! Intercourse will be the finest when you stop thinking and allow your system believe individually!

There’s also at the very least 1,000 gender ideas we could offer you for the rest of your love life, but now we are gonna remain really






Only ‘cause you’re both ladies doesn’t mean exactly what feels very good to you personally will feel great to their. You both can suggest what’s working and what isn’t through terms, sounds, or actual response. Do not ashamed to ask questions or volunteer what you like. It really is like Hot/Cold online game, but nude and more slick! Saying “what do you really like” is very something we carry out. So is actually laughing.
We advice plenty of chuckling

Lesbian Sex Foreplay

There are a great number of things happening within the body area both for of you to understand more about, like BOOBS and ears, and having fun with those areas of the body is fun AND the best way to get lubed up before every types of direct vaginal get in touch with occurs (if that is what you would like). People can orgasm from stimulation of other parts of the body in addition to the vadge, as well. (If it’s the or your partner’s first time getting penetrated, never opt for the
jackhammer bang within 5 minutes of very first tongue kiss, ease into that crap!)

Handbook Clitoral Stimulation

This is a good place to start. Relatively self-explanatory. Once more, many people will require your hand being a vibrator and a few will simply desire to be handled with extreme delicacy. Determine by inquiring!

Oral sex is so awesome
which practically feels as though cheating. Like had been lips meant to go indeed there, or is that one thing mankind determined alone? Per constantly, err on the side of sensitive and painful. This may be either “teasing” or “how she wants it,” according to the lady. This could also be paired with fucking/g-spot arousal, but we are starting easy these days, thus, once again, enjoy yourself. Often when you have human body picture issues, being eaten on will make you feel actually revealed. Thus close the sight, everything is okay. Also remember to
training less dangerous intercourse with dental care dams


When in question, start slow/soft/delicate and create around because fast/hard as she wishes it. Be Certain That she is damp before trying entrance —
lube is a great way to try this
. After That:

+ start off with your list digit in only a little bit, following all the way in and present a second fist if she wants. (After that a third if she wishes, etc etc) You shouldn’t go too fast, offer the woman time for you respond.

+ watch where your other fingers are! If you have your index/middle fingers inside the girl, is your thumbnail searching into the woman interior leg? Look at your crap.

+ Some women should not be penetrated many different reasons, such as vexation, gender identification or gender phrase,
and/or an inclination for a specific sexual role
(as with “we bang you, you don’t screw myself.”) In the event that’s you and your partner gets for the reason that location, politely move the woman hand and inform this lady in which you would desire to be touched (or which you’d somewhat touch the woman).


Today, sticking your hand down the woman jeans or over the woman channel might be very first impulse, or perhaps it is everything you’ve viewed on

The L Word

, but that is just one of many magical methods local girls fucking various other girls. You will discover 365 strategies to basically dry hump (you


keep underwear on because of this, it can be easier, but kindly perform lose your clothing, because that’s more pleasurable). Possible essentially wipe upon any section of the woman human anatomy or rub vadge-to-vadge almost throughout everything.

More Sources For Great Lesbian Gender:

The Greater Number Of You Are Sure That

  • TRY NOT TO DON’T compare parts of the body

    . Compliments are superb! But forgo the urge to incorporate an assessment of your elements onto your praise relating to her parts. ‘Your [part] is really so much more [way of being] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you’re dealing with non-gender-conforming people it’s better to ask before starting up what’s fine and somethingn’t. Exact same for dealing with sex complying people!
  • You have got a right to feel as well as comfortable, which means that
    is key and so is
    better gender
    — please get a check-up and speak to your partner about any STIs you or she possess before jumping into bed.
  • Whether you’re 16 or 36, you’re NOT “BEHIND.” Considering the patriarchy, it is going to elevates about 15 moments locate info on the typical age of which heterosexual men and women drop their particular V-Cards (16-17), but no such investigation is present for lesbians as much as we could tell. Therefore we’ve done a laid-back study of Team Autostraddle, that is an unhealthy test populace because we’re all under 35 and certainly “out” sufficient to be


    Group Autostraddle so, we imagine, most likely much more sexually knowledgeable compared to the average lesbian bear. Regardless, by age and year of “virginity reduction”:

Among our very own totally non-representative trial sized queer ladies, the typical age for “our first time” is actually 19.4.

Relevant Lists

Parts of the body that could be erogenous otherwise no-fly zones:

+ ears

+ throat

+ erect nipples

+ internal upper thighs

+ feet

+ arms

+ ass

+ tiny for the back

Many people Do and Some Men And Women Cannot:

+ wish to be penetrated

+ orgasm from entrance

+ climax

+ incorporate sex toys into gender

+ enjoy g-spot stimulation

+ call for manual clitorial stimulation to climax

+ like clitorial arousal AND genital penetration to orgasm

+ take pleasure in anal penetration or
butt plugs
consuming butt

+ utilize

+ climax whatsoever

+ identify as

+ fantasize while having sex

+ identify as either a ”
” or a ”

+ identify as either “butch” or “femme”

+ want to be nude while having sex

+ desire the lighting on during sex

+ enjoy it rough

have an STI

+ wanna

Items That Might Happen Very First Some Time Are Absolutely Good:

and virtually soaking all your bed (it is not urine, we promise) (additionally, it is awesome)

+ Farting or queefing

+ inadvertently cutting/lacerating the snatch (
this occurs to old pros, as well
) (

+ maybe not orgasming

+ not

Obtaining hurt

+ Tensing upwards while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast-based infections

+ getting 30+ minutes to climax

+ your own arm acquiring tired

+ Weeping

+ Laughing

+ Emotions

+ No emotions

+ perhaps not experiencing such as the entire world altered

+ experiencing such as the whole world altered

+ experiencing as you’re on a new level of closeness together with your spouse

+ perhaps not taking pleasure in it

Try not to end up being too goal-oriented. Lots of people you should not appear the first time — people do not arrive frequently during intercourse anyway! If neither of you would, there’s gonna be a moment when you feel like you’re accomplished anyway, just like the experience has ended, and therefore might feel unusual, but it is not strange, it happens. Prevent once you’d prevent any actually tiring task — whenever you cannot feel it any longer. Just make fun of and perhaps remain nude and kiss and talk. Cuddle! Lesbians want to cuddle. Or ask the lady to display you the way she gets by herself off and the other way around — common masturbation is an excellent backup policy for whenever you both desire to arrive but can not apparently have it now. Plus it’s hot to look at and determine what she really does to by herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Gender Bible

A lot more methods and advice about lesbian, bisexual and queer ladies that gets near this issue with wit and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex Industry

: The cover of the book is really unusual and 90s, you could download it for $2.99 from Amazon and it’s really — it’s simply FUN. Its awesome sex-positive and deserves being a cult classic of lesbian book world beginning today.


The entire Lesbian Intercourse Book: A Separate Guide for people

, by Felice Newman: The regular. Purchase it, find out it, live it, love it.


Lesbian Gender: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: we bet you don’t know any single thing concerning the Joyride, tongue-and-groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, woman Wrap or Velvet Rope, perform ya? You could change that.


Moving away from: A Female’s Self-help Guide To Masturbation

: From sex writer and genital stimulation specialist Jayme Waxman.


Our Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for another Era

: Get in touch with your womynhood.


The brand new Lesbian Intercourse Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with AUTHENTIC LIVE LESBIANS about their sex lives, provides the effect of reminding you that there is lots of lesbians available to choose from having sex and it’s not only both you and your partner(s) in your teeny little community because of the water.


Healing Gender: A Mind-Body Method To Healing Sexual Trauma

: “initial motivating, sex-positive guide for every ladies survivors of intimate attack — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, coupled, and single — who wish to recover their intercourse physical lives.”

Internet Sites:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational sex good feminists whoever discussion on sex and feminism entertains and educates while delving into the Politics of females’s Sexuality.” Includes
a collection of “how-to” films
for a variety of intimate functions, including “first-time lesbian gender.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“whatever you previously planned to {know about|learn about|find out about|un